Revisiting the beginning

Hello again! Today was a fairly good food day for me. Honestly, lately I feel like my meal sizes have been really sporadic. I get famished in the morning, no matter how big my breakfast is. Then again in the afternoon, but I'm afraid to eat more at lunch for fear I'll overeat. It's been tough to acknowledge that maybe I really should just eat a little more. This disease is a fascinating beast. Just when you think you have it figured out it really takes you for a ride.

For today, I'm posting the first questions I ever did for OA.

1. a. Why do you need to stop overeating in your life right now?

I am way too busy, too stressed to be so neurotic about overeating. All I ever do is worry, whether it’s about school, or work, or the clubs I’m in. I don’t need to be stressed about something else and right now overeating is just another stressor. I would love to get some peace of mind on at least one thing, and I am way too smart to let this addiction consume me.

b. Why did you come to OA?

Because I have tried everything else, and it was time to realize that stopping overeating was not something I could do simply by trying, even though I have tried really really really hard. I figured it was worth a shot.

c. What are you seeking?

Peace of mind and weight loss. I want to be thin, but I also want to be at peace with who I am. I’m sick of hating myself, I want to be happy with my body and who I am.

d. Is slimness the most important thing?

Yes and No. I know that health is more important than appearance, but I know that you will be more healthy when you’re thin. I also know that what is most important is how I feel about myself, but I think I would feel better about myself if I were thin. I think I would be happier if I were thin because I wouldn’t be so self-conscious, I would be more adventurous, I would be more confident around others.

***

I haven't read these in a very long time (like...since I wrote them nearly a year ago!) and my answers are very similar. I have since graduated from college, but the same stressors apply with my new job and moving to a new area, etc.

That last question really gets me, though! Is slimness the most important thing? I'm still not sure if I truly do believe that the answer is "no." Compulsive Laura says, "Of COURSE it's the most important thing! If you're thin, everything else will fall into place! Everyone will love you, and you won't ever have to worry about anything again."

Older, wiser, OA Laura says, "While you may feel that way, you know deep down it's not true. Thin Laura would be as much of a worrier and neurotic as Chubby Laura is. What matters is stopping the obsession and being at peace with who you are."

*sigh* Compulsive Laura's answers are so much simpler.

So, readers: Did you do the step one and two questions? Did they help you? Did you realize anything new??