I tried to pray today, oh boy...(sung as "A day in the life")

It's so striking to me how some days can be so easy and some days can be so hard. And it's even weirder in that the more stressed I am, the better I am about food! Not always, but it does seem that normal days, days where I have nothing to be worried about at all, are the days I want to eat the most. I've tried for so long to figure out how and why this could possibly be, and the only thing I can think of is that when I'm stressed, I'm distracted. I simply have other things on my mind that take precedence over food. When I'm not stressed, when I'm just relaxing, watching TV, I am so much more alone. The food has more room to occupy in my mind.

Or perhaps, subconsciously, I'm afraid of my thoughts. You know, the self hatred, the loneliness, the fear, blah blah blah. Maybe I let the food sneak in so I have something else to think about.

Anyone else have a similar issue?

In other news, I meant to post this awhile ago, and I never did! I guess I just forgot. It's from about 3 weeks ago:

Tonight, I prayed. I bowed down on the floor, arms stretched out in front of me, legs under my stomach, eyes closed, and prayed.

Well, I tried to pray. I kept thinking about the Paul McCartney concert. So, instead of trying to speak, I just imagined myself bowed down before the Universe. The Universe is my HP, so I thought this was appropriate. I wanted to feel small. So, I bowed down to the Universe, which I imagine basically as space…eternal black of the abyss, with the twinkling of stars and planets every so often, and I, bowed down, floating in space.

I could smell my carpet, which reminded me I needed to vacuum, but I decided not to get distracted and went back to bowing before the Universe. I was actually bowed down in front of my closet, which is so full of dirty laundry I’m sure even the worst of heretics would find it blasphemous to kneel down before such a filthy alter.

In any case, I tried to pray, and that’s a step.